I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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