I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
