ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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