Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
