I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
