I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize