beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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