he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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