i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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