my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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