she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
