You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The ass gains better be worth it
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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