If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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