If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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