Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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