If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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