stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
