Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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