K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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