So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
