I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
