You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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