I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
