you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
