when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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