i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
