I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
