we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
