i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
i need some magic done to my vagina
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
