if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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