just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
