I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
