I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
