It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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