fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
