Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
