since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
All I want is dick and wine.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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