Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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