Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
