Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
