Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Vodka?
Forever.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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