We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Come see our sink grown plant.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
