I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
