you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
