I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
