Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
