Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
