the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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