I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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