Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
