I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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