Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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