Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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