they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
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Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
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