u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Randomize
