walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
