pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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