She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍