Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
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it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
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My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.