I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
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Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
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I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.