The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.