You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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