I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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