Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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