Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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