You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
