I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
