At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
