I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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