And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
