Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
