While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Randomize
