apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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