remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
