you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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