I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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