Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
