you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
