Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
