with your own penis?
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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