i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
