we have pet lesbian snakes
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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