Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
