So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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